Being more assertive can be a scary prospect. It’s easy to think “If I’m assertive, won’t everyone thing I’m overbearing and pushy?” Or “What if it leads to conflict and arguments?”
Don’t worry, being assertive doesn’t have to mean that you become a bully. Being assertive means that you can get what you want by communicating in a confident but considerate way that doesn’t hurt, annoy or diminish others. That’s smart assertiveness for the modern woman; being graceful, witty, stylish and (above all) being heard.
Not convinced? Here’s 7 reasons why you should be more assertive from personal development coach Mary Hartley.
7 Reasons Why You Should Be More Assertive
- Assertiveness is a way of behaving and communicating that is based on acceptance of oneself and of other people. It demonstrates confidence without being overconfident, and self-control without trying to control others.
- It shows you respect yourself and you respect other people as well – in fact, you respect others too much to play games with them or to patronise them by assuming they cannot take dissent or disagreement.
- When you behave assertively, you are open and honest without hurting or diminishing others. You put forward your opinions and needs without putting yourself up on centre stage.
- This behaviour is smart because it shows a high degree of self-awareness and self-knowledge and a willingness to engage honestly with other people. You know that there is nothing to lose and everything to gain from being open and upfront. You are not scared to put yourself out there.
- We are all social beings and other people’s opinion and perception of you matter but you are at the stage in life, either in years or mentality or both, where you can take responsibility for yourself. You are not cowed into behaving in certain ways because you worry what someone will think of you because you are confident enough to be true to yourself.
- You acknowledge and own your feelings without trying to place the responsibility or blame for them on to other people.
- Being assertive enables you to live a grown-up life, with all the challenges, enjoyments and contradictions that may involve.
And you can do it with style!
Want to make voice heard today? Try Mary’s ‘stuck record technique’ and learn how persistence can pay off!
And you can find lots more practical exercises and examples from Mary in The Smart Girl’s Guide to Getting What You Want. Mary is a writer and personal development coach who leads workshops and training courses. Packed with humour, it is a book you will want to treasure and turn to time and time again.
The Smart Girl’s Guide to Getting What You Want
256 pages • Illustrated • £7.99
AUS $16.99 NZ $21.00
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